I cant believe how long its been since I've even checked deviantart. December tenth.... wow.. And even longer since I last posted anything at all! I just can't seem to get anything done. =_=
Since my last entry alot of crap's happened. I turned eighteen ( >W< GOODNESS YES!!!! ), I got an X-box, I found out I still have no idea what I'm gunna do about college, and I filled a large rubber tub with drawings that I want to post here.
SPEAKING OF WHICH... I've really lost touch with everyone since loosing my computer. When I got this one I said that I was gunna be more active, but I guess I just crapped out. Sharing this thing with my family makes it tough to get a minute to myself, not to mention my exams and regular life stuff, but it's not really an excuse. Sometimes my paranoia gets the better of me though, and if i'm about to message someone i've lost touch with or someone i want to meet I chicken out. It just seems like I annoy or weird people out sometimes
*headdesk*
I need to be more assertive and grow a backbone!
And maybe some common sense!

-

Sooo, havent been on deviantart in awhile. I have a bunch of deviantations to browse, but I'm kinda sleepy right now, so i'll just procrastinate and do it later.

Anyway, christmas ish coming soon. noooot really hyped about it this year, but I keep trying not to be a downer, even though crappy things keep happening. Feels like i've been loosing touch with everyone, and I can't hold a conversation to save my life. I was bad with people before, but jeeze, now I'm horrible D;
Mehhh, anyway, happy before holidays to anyone who still checks my journal. I'll probbly be on again before christmas, but just in case good tidings to all and such

~Hazzeh

So, i've decided to come back after my maybe two week quittal of everything I found fun. In the end though, just giving up all of my hobbies and online friends made no difference. I still didn't fix anything, maybe made it worse. Nothing I do makes no difference I guess. *scratches head* Though, in hindsight, probbly wouldn't work anyway. I'm not exactly known for excellent plans =.= c'est la vie
I've thought alot though. And even if thinking about stuff dosent solve any problems, it makes me realize things, both negativly and posotivly. My train of thought makes alot of loose turns and such, so maybe making a list of what i'm thinking would be best. Starting with the negative vibes.

NEGATIVE THOUGHTS
----------------------
I'm a lousy person
I'm a lousy friend
I procrastinate too much
Video games do not replace people, but I like them more than most family members
I suck at math but if I don't bump my math avrge. up i won't get into a good college/university
I have no idea what secondary school i'm going too
If I do find a secondary school I want to go too i'll probbly never get to go there anyway
I need to learn to cook. Half burnt toast and instant rice dosent count. Neither do microwave dinners.
There's no one to teach me and we don't have to food network.
My Drawings seem kinda bad lately
People tell me that i'll never go anywhere because i'm shy. They are probbly right
In 2012 the world may possible end
What if the sun burns out, ending all existience of life as we know it?
Almost nothing I do has any effect on ANYTHING
When I move out I can't take my wii with me
Swine flu is spreading. FAST.
Hamlet 2 wasn't funny


Positiveness
++++++++++++++
There will never be a shortage of mountain dew. Ever.
I've discovered the Ace Attourney game series
After over a year of not playing dance dance revolution i'm still adequate at it, as I am guitar hero.
I can sing a scary german song and make it funny.
I'm short, but that just means it's easier for me to punch you in the stomach when you make fun of me for it
Shooting games are really fun. Especially when you have a chainsaw app.
Nesquiwk makes me really hyper. Like bounce off the walls hyper, which is fun.
Winter is coming which means snow, which means snowdays which means no school which means I get to sleep in and drink hot chocolate
Broken things can always be fixed. Or at least superglued as much as possible.
It dosen't matter if the glass is half full or half empty, just pour some flavor crystals in it.( I reccomend citrus)

+-+-+-+-+-
Thats all off the top of my head Some are stupid and others are emo, but these are the thoughts I come up with when i'm in deep thought.
I am glad to be back, but I am wondering a few things though. I've already made two lists today, so another time I guess...or not.
Anyway..um, yeah.
~

I'm leaving. And it's not because I want to.
Stuff has come up in my family. And...I need to set an example. It's sort of my fault in the first place this happened. I was just a stupid kid. But, now it's time for me to grow up and act responsable.
This..is really hard for me. My hand's a shaking just a little right now while i type. But theres a line between what I want to do and whats right.
I'm gunna miss it all. wrighting, drawing, my characters. Mostly my friends. The few people I met that I'm happy to call friend.
I'm sorry if you miss me, and that I'm not gunna say goodbye in person... if I do I might stay, and I know I can't...
If you read this I just want you guys to know I love you all, and if I thought that there was any way to stay I would.
If this gets resolved...i'd like to come back. But I doubt that there'd be anyone of you left willing to put up with me. First I vanish for over a year because of computer problems, and now this. It's stupid.
But I have responsibility. To fix this mess before it crushes everything.
I know I'm repeating myself, but I'll miss you guys...
see you